Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
