It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
