So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
