all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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