Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
