I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
