Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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