Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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