she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
