hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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