Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We have started to decorate penises.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize