Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
