shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
