i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
