You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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