I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
