Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
