I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
