in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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