im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
