I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
