Pants 0. Shit 1.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
