I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
