You're so nebulous sometimes
she looked like the before picture.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
