Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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