ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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