I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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