Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
