i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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