My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
