I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
