So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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