Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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