I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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