Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
