I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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