were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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