I can text with my tongue
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
