You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
