girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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