I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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