im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
