I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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