Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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