Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
