I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
