We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
