i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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