So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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