I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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