sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
