Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
