She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize