we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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