...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
