Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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