well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
