Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I love having hate sex.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
