im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
