Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
