you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize