And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
