walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
