Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
