Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
