i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
