Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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