My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
