My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
