I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
