can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
