Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize