I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
