He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
