That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You're a waste of cheezeits
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize