Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
