you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
