awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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