the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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