What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize