I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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