worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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