The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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