You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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