It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
