I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
