I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
