i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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