i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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