Can i not drive my cunt home
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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