I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize