How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
