i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
