someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
