he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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