M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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