My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
