I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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