So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
