woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
