dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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