Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
