If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize