if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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