we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
