it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
try to milk me bitch
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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