So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
