Pappa wants mamma naked
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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